The Illusion of "Strength": How Hiding Anxiety Pushes Partners Away

In the world of relationships, both men and women often feel pressure to appear strong and in control. Society tells us that "strong people" are always confident and don't show fear or anxiety.

However, this idea of strength is not realistic or healthy. When people try to hide their anxiety to seem stronger, it often comes out in their actions in ways that push their partners away.

Shutting Down: When Anxiety Leads to Emotional Distance

One way people cope with anxiety is by shutting down emotionally. They put up a wall and become distant with their partners. They think they're protecting themselves by not showing their feelings, but this emotional distance can really hurt their partner.

When a person feels their partner pulling away, they may start to doubt themselves and the relationship. They feel like they're losing connection and don't know how to reach their partner. Over time, this distance can damage the closeness and trust in the relationship, leaving both partners feeling alone and unhappy.

Constant Reassurance: When Anxiety Leads to Clinginess

On the other hand, some people deal with anxiety by constantly seeking reassurance from their partners. They may often ask things like "Do you still love me?" or "Are you going to leave me?" They need ongoing proof of their partner's love and commitment.

While it's okay to need reassurance sometimes, constantly seeking it can be tiring for a partner. It can make them feel responsible for their partner's emotions and like their love is never enough. They may start to feel smothered, which can lead to frustration and burnout.

Real Strength: Embracing Vulnerability

Ironically, in trying to appear strong, people often end up hurting the relationships they're trying to protect. True strength is not about hiding anxiety, but having the courage to acknowledge and express it.

When someone can tell their partner, "I'm feeling anxious about our relationship" or "I'm dealing with some fears right now," they're not being weak. They're showing great bravery and trust. They're inviting their partner to understand and support them.

This kind of openness can be transformative for a relationship. When a person sees their partner being honest about their feelings, even the tough ones, it can deepen their respect and admiration. It allows them to be there for their partner out of genuine care.

Also, when one partner models vulnerability, it creates a safe space for the other to be vulnerable too. It sets the stage for a relationship based on emotional intimacy and authentic connection.

A Call to Courage

So to all individuals struggling with anxiety in relationships: your feelings are valid and normal. You are not weaker for having them. In fact, you have a chance to be stronger - a person of true courage and emotional intelligence.

Don't let the pressure to be "strong" stop you from having real intimacy and connection. Don't push your partner away to protect yourself. Instead, take a deep breath, be brave, and let them in. Share your fears and anxieties. Trust that you can handle whatever comes, and that a partner who truly loves you will want to support you.

Remember, vulnerability is not a weakness, it is your relationship superpower. By being vulnerable, you invite a love that is based on authenticity, trust, and deep understanding.

That is the kind of love that lasts, the kind of love that makes you stronger. And it all starts with the courage to be real.